TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same
old story?

Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How
often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would
it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle, the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he
still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti please.

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be
a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although
they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel, neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
>driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

10. Sticking my nose in someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my coat before entering the house
- not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt on the
floor.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last two questions...

Dear God,
Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

Dear God,
When I get to heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Sincerely,

The Dog

The Eternal Whistler

It is the eternal whistler
 Who goes whistling up the sky
And at his heels are the weary dogs
 That have come to him to die,
He whistles them over the far off clouds
 And up to the Golden Gate
And then he whistles a softer note,
 While they sit and they pant and they wait.
Then quickly he whistles a shriller blast
 As slowly the gate swings wide
And when nobody's looking, St. Peter winks
 Then hustles them all inside.
Author Unknown

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Author unknown

Pennies From Heaven

I found a penny today,
just laying on the ground.
But it is not just a penny,
this little coin I found.


Found pennies come from heaven,
that's what my Grandpa told me.
He said Dog Angels toss then down,
oh how I loved that story.


He said when a Dog Angel misses you,
they toss a penny down.
Sometimes just to cheer you up,
make a smile out of your frown.


So don't pass by that penny
when you're feeling blue.
It may be a penny from heaven,
that your dog has tossed to you.
Author Unknown

Heaven's Doggy Door
My best friend closed his eyes last night,
As his head lay in my hand.
The doctors said he was in pain,
And it was hard for him to stand.
The thoughts that scurried through my head,
As I cradled him in my arms,
Were of his younger puppy years,
And Oh... his many charms.
Today there was no gentle nudge,
With an intense "I love you" gaze.
Only a heart that's filled with tears,
Remembering our joy-filled days.
But an Angel just appeared to me,
And said, "You should cry no more,
God also loves our canine friends,
He's installed a doggy door!"

© 1995 Jan Cooper.

WHY HUMANS LIVE LONGER THAN DOGS Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year- old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Monday, January 30, 2006 8:10:10

Walking my dogs is interesting, at best. Beamer has one speed--SLOW. Ryleigh has two speeds--WARP and STOPPED. My carpal tunnel is KILLING me from dealing with those two! Beamer stops to pee at every bush and tree--and he can't either lift one leg or stand on one, not sure which. Poor Li'l B. He's getting old. Ryleigh, who thinks that she is Alpha Bitch of the Universe? Gets around another dog and goes totally submissive. On the back, legs spread. Pathetic. Beamer? Fear aggressive.

Living in this apartment--and having to walk The Old Man and The Pest--is definitely a most interesting experience! And NOT for the faint of heart!

Sunday, March 05, 2006 12:48:12 PM

The reason a dog has so many friends is that 
he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when 
I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world 
like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that
loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person 
than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space 
we can spare and love we can spare.  
And in return, dogs give us their 
all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their 
enemies, quite unlike people, who are 
incapable of pure love and always have 
to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles 
are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, 
perseverance, and to turn around three  
times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap 
tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about 
immortality, it is that certain 
dogs I have known will go to heaven, 
and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't 
getting enough exercise.
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy 
because Alpo is up to $3.00 a  
can.  That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must 
think of us?  I mean, here we come back 
from a grocery store with the most 
amazing haul -- chicken,  
pork, half a cow.  They must think 
we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, 
and men and dogs should relax  
and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Speak softly and own a big, mean 
Doberman.
-Dave Miliman

If you pick up a starving dog and 
make him prosperous, he will not  
bite you;  that is the principal 
difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a 
dog, and the dog will give you a  
look that says, "Wow, you're right!  
I never would've thought of that!"
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, 
but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, 
try putting three dog biscuits 
in your pocket and then giving 
Fido only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good 
of a person as my dog already thinks  
I am.

Puppy Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eleven unwrapped presents
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
A dozen puppy kisses and I forgot all about the other
eleven days.

Since I can make another blog, it dawned on me that I could have a GOLDEN blog! So, I can post about All Things Golden here!