TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same
old story?

Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the
colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How
often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would
it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle, the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he
still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti please.

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be
a good dog:

1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although
they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel, neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
>driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

10. Sticking my nose in someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying "hello".

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my coat before entering the house
- not after.

13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt on the
floor.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when we have company.

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last two questions...

Dear God,
Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

Dear God,
When I get to heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Sincerely,

The Dog